Tiffany

“You know, that feeling that? Like, ‘Oh, I made something. And it’s not perfect, but like, I can make things.’ It’s about being able to create something that makes sense in a world that sometimes doesn’t make any sense. It’s something for you to hold on to.”

An Introduction

Kashara: So, I only really know about you through what you post on Instagram. Could you tell me a bit about yourself. I'm curious about your background and everything.

Tiff: Oh, yeah, sure. Um, so where to begin? I'm from Hong Kong originally. And I lived most of my life there. I went to university in Boston. But I went back to Hong Kong to live after, and I was always into journalism. So I was in food journalism for most of my working career, which hasn't been very long - just for a few years. And I think I was a little bit jaded with the whole industry in general.

K: In what ways were you jaded?

T: So I don't know how it works in the U.S., but in Hong Kong, it's a very small city. And so it's all very sales oriented. I'm sure it's the same in a lot of other countries as well. So I wanted to get into writing for the longest time because I wanted to write stories about people, and I love storytelling. But, you know, I was young and like, "Oh, I'm just going to get into food journalism because I'm, like, still gonna be writing. I love eating, it's gonna be the coolest job ever." And then it ended up being about selling advertisements and writing about restaurants that would pay money to buy ad space. And so I think I just got stuck in that kind of role, but I didn't intend on getting stuck in it.

So I left to travel for a year. But I ended up just never going back home. This was in 2017, I quit my job. And then I was like, "Oh, I'm gonna turn 30 in a few years. So I'm gonna travel,” and I went backpacking a minute. I met someone on the plane, and then we bought a van. I lived there for like a month with her. We traveled around New Zealand. And through my travels, I met my current boyfriend. I kind of backpacked my way to Vancouver, where he was moving to. And so I'm here now.

I still continued my traveling, and I started an e-commerce business selling handmade leather shoes and other handmade items made in Morocco because I was there for a few months. I met all these shoemakers, and I wanted to learn how to make shoes. So that's why I started that business, but that's actually kind of stopped in the last few months because of COVID because I didn't set up any kind of prompt manufacturing policies where I could just order from a factory. It's literally artisans on the street making this for me, so that's kind of stopped. But that's how I actually got into sewing. I think I was really feeling a bit lost working for myself, and I was also freelance writing on the side, which has also stopped. So I just wanted to feel like I was doing something.

“...it’s not really about the clothes. It’s not really about traveling. It’s about knowing that you can leave and go anywhere you want, and you can be anyone you want.”

And I think that's how sewing kind of came to me. I made one thing, and I just got hooked. And it's not really about the clothes for me or anything. I think it was just more about being able to create something tangible. You know, that feeling that? Like, “Oh, I made something. And it's not perfect, but like, I can make things. It's about being able to create something that makes sense in a world that sometimes doesn't make any sense. It’s something for you to hold on to.

And then I just kind of got hooked on to that. That was in the summer, but I haven't been doing it in the last month because we adopted a kitten, and he's been driving us nuts. Yeah, so I've taken a break.

On Traveling

“It allowed me to kind of see different sides of myself or different versions of myself that I didn’t know existed or could exist, which is pretty nuts. I don’t know. It feels kind of like getting to know yourself for the first time over and over again.”

K: I love it. That's all so amazing. So I guess I'll start by circling back around to your traveling experience. To travel the world for a year I'm sure you experienced growth in a lot of places. In what ways did that time change you?

T: I think everything. So I don't know if it's because of my background, but there were always these expectations just being from a Chinese family. I mean, my family's not the most traditional of traditional families, but it was always like, if you're there, you'll never leave home. Once you go back to Hong Kong, you'll never leave, and that's just kind of life for you. You just keep trying to get better jobs, make more money, and then you try to get married, and you're just gonna be there because your family is there and your home is there. There is that kind of expectation.

And then I think one day, I just was sitting there. And then I was like, "Why? Why do I have to be here, though?" Like, sometimes you don't think about --- or I mean, I don't think about why I feel like I have to be there, but it's just all of these like invisible, unspoken pressures, whether it's from society or your family or just your experience in general collectively.

I realized that I could actually just up and leave and that I had that power to do that because I'd saved some money, and I could just change my world if I wanted to. I know it sounds really silly because obviously, everyone knows that you can do that. Sometimes, you just have to take all that off - everything that's kind of weighing you down in life, and then realize that you can. So that's what it was for me. Like with sewing, it's not really about the clothes. It's not really about traveling. It's about knowing that you can leave and go anywhere you want, and you can be anyone you want.

With traveling, I would have never freaking done that. I'm not like an outdoorsy person. I've never camped or anything. I shower like twice a day in Hong Kong, and like in the van, I didn't shower for like weeks. And it just kind of takes you out of that narrative that you've written for yourself, like, "Oh, I'm this kind of person, and I'm this person." It allowed me to kind of see different sides of myself or different versions of myself that I didn't know existed or could exist, which is pretty nuts. I don't know. It feels kind of like getting to know yourself for the first time over and over again.

K: That's beautiful! I've also been thinking about that in my own life. Like I haven't done a ton of international traveling, but I often think about that unspoken need for permission we tend to feel. So I'm able to identify with you on that. Objectively, you know that you can totally change your life if you wanted to, but sometimes it does kind of feel like there's an invisible force field, and until you actually test it out, you have this idea that you can't cross it.

On the Creative Process And Imperfection

K: I feel that because of fast fashion, most people don't have a connection to their clothes in the way that you do when you actually have the ability - the skill - to create your clothes and have a shoe line. So what does it feel like to be able to use sewing as a form of creativity and to have that connection to clothes that most people don't?

T: Um, I think it's also about freedom. For me, at least, it's kind of like oh, you can do anything you want as long as you can afford the fabric, or you can find the fabric or the canvas that you want. You can literally make anything you want to make. And it's just one step at a time, right? If you don't know how to do something, all you have to do is YouTube it or Google it or something. And then, at the end of a very long week, or a month or a few months or a year, you have something that you set out to make, and that's very rewarding to have that power to be able to do that. I think I never really thought about that before.

“...it’s crazy how much pressure we put on ourselves. And I don’t I honestly don’t know where it comes from. It’s an incredible amount of pressure. And it’s not necessary and to think how limited we are by this invisible, unnecessary pressure that only we exert on ourselves.”

With the shoe line, it was like it was going one step further. In Morocco, I was like, "Oh, it's so cool that I could just like pick out materials that I want and ask these people to make things - whatever I want." And then now it's kind of like, "Oh, actually, I can make those things if I wanted to." You don't have to be in the profession for like 100 years and be a master or an expert to do anything. You can try it. And then, if it doesn't work, you try it again. And I think if you kind of remove that fear of failure, then it doesn't matter if you fail, because it's not like you only get three chances of doing one thing, right? Like you can do something 100 times, and then you have the freedom to do that as well.

I think it's also about giving ourselves the permission to feel like we're just learning and that we don't have to succeed at everything we do. Because a lot of times, you have this ego where you're like, "Oh, I'm kind of special, and if I try my hand at something, I'm going to be really good at it." And you don't kind of entertain the idea that you're not going to be good at something. Especially if your parents have told you, "Oh, my daughter. You're meant to do great things. You're really special." It's like - you're not. None of us are, and like if a human being has been able to do something like you can, too.

And I think making my own clothes has been able to do that for me. It's like when you see something on Instagram, especially now, and you’re like, "Oh, I really want that thing, but I can't afford it." And you don't know where it's made. There are thousands of pieces of it. With sewing, it's not even just about it being made slowly, but you have a personal attachment to it because you're in full command of what you want it to be.

I know you said that you wanted to get into sewing. Have you tried?

K: So I've only tried to sew two times in my life - when I was younger, and it was like magic to me. Years later my mom had a sewing machine, and so I tried to figure out how to use it. And it kind of goes back to what you said about how we all think that we're exceptional. So the second I had any hiccups, I was like, "I'm out. Byeeee."

I’ve recently wanted to try again because I like the idea of having a connection to clothes. And also, there’s the added bonus of making what I want and knowing where the clothes come from. I think that I'd feel a sense of pride about making them myself.

I definitely feel like I'm in a much better space where I can try something new and be okay with being bad at it. I've always been used to, you know, trying a bunch of things until hopefully, you find something you're going to be good at for sure. So yeah - I've definitely grown to a place of almost just wanting to try things that I might terrible at so I can take off the pressure to be perfect.

T: Yeah, it's hard to get to that point.

K: It's a lot of pressure to expect to be good.

T: Yeah, it's crazy how much pressure we put on ourselves. And I don't I honestly don't know where it comes from. It's an incredible amount of pressure. And it's not necessary and to think how limited we are by this invisible, unnecessary pressure that only we exert on ourselves. I don't know, it's inevitable. I think knowing it is one thing and actually doing it or applying it is another.

Relishing in ordinary Moments

“...being at home this year, I’ve been discovering what it’s like to have more novel experiences at home - more internal, novel experiences. I’m discovering how we can also find those parts of ourselves internally while elevating more ordinary moments like this.”

K: 2020 has been really tough specifically related to COVID and the uncertainty of everything. How have you dealt with that, and have you learned anything from this time? I honestly didn't expect for us to still be here at the end of the year, but I'm curious to know how you've dealt with the uncertainty.

T: Um, I don't know, per se. I think, generally, I am the kind of person who just goes with the flow or goes with what I feel like doing. So I think for me, I am just like, "Okay, this has happened, and you're just gonna have to ride it out."

And I don't usually have a lot of plans anyway. I'm very lucky that I haven't had any health problems. I haven't had to deal with sickness, and my family hasn't either. So, for me, it's more about embracing what's there because before, I was always thinking about traveling and new experiences and novelty. And that's what I had planned for this year. But being at home, I've been discovering what it's like to have more novel experiences at home - more internal, novel experiences. I'm discovering how we can also find those parts of ourselves internally while elevating more ordinary moments like this. I mean, to something as simple as, before, I wouldn't take time to put a lot of effort into cooking or making breakfast, you know, doing these special things for myself at home. But now you can kind of make something more magical out of things that aren't normally as magical.

I mean, obviously, it's been hard as well. Sometimes when you're just stuck at home, and you don't know when this thing is going to end, sometimes it feels like I'm just existing. And that's when I go to Netflix. And I just take a break from life. You know, sometimes you do have to escape a little bit. I kind of oscillate between the two where I'm super motivated and want to learn all these new things, but then that's another pressure in itself, isn't it? Like, "Oh, I have all this time. Now I have to pick up all these new skills, and I'm gonna have all these hobbies and all of these side businesses. I'm gonna learn like five new languages and a musical instrument because I have the time." I kind of oscillate between that and just doing nothing and binge-watching Netflix.

K: Well, I think that sounds like the perfect thing to do during a time like this, haha. Balance and rest.

To learn more about Tiffany and her projects, visit her website and follow her on Instagram.

ConversationsKashara JohnsonJanuary 7, 2021creativity, creative process, traveling, imperfection, Covid-19, Coronavirus, sewingComment